nokitel.co.uk - BITCHFEST

Barack Obamas 30 minute infomercial is mind blowing. If it doesn’t make you cry, or nearly making you cry then GTFO!

18:50 nearly made me cry!

Reading through one of the articles on Slashdot about US Army seeing the note posting site Twitter as a terrorist tool, one of the comments made by “ flyingsquid (813711)“ made me laugh, and you know, me being kind ‘n all thought I’d share it with you! First, here is the scoop:

Mike writes

“A draft US Army intelligence report has identified the popular micro-blogging service Twitter as a potential terrorist tool. A chapter titled ‘Potential for Terrorist Use of Twitter’ notes that Twitter members reported the July Los Angeles earthquake faster than news outlets and activists at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis used it to provide information on police movements. ‘Twitter is already used by some members to post and/or support extremist ideologies and perspectives,’ the report said. The report goes on to say, ‘Terrorists could theoretically use Twitter social networking in the US as an operation tool.’ Just wait until the Army finds out about chat rooms and email!”

 
Further down the page after some comments, “ flyingsquid (813711)“ says:
 
What are you doing?
Husayn is trying to figure out these stupid remote triggering devices. Anything to avoid spending Ramadan with his wife’s sisters!

Ali is watching Coalition troop movements. Bo-ring!

Kamel wishes the carpet bombing would stop soon. The cave is cold. And the other martyrs smell bad.

Akbar is thinking about the 72 virgins awaiting him in Paradise. They better not be fat like his sister Fatima, or he is going to feel very mislead by his imam.

Commander Tariq says his Mujahedin should stop using the Zionist tool Twitter and get back to fighting the infidels, or he will beat them like the cowardly she-goats they are.

The whole transcript from the Raw stand-up classic. Some of the funniest and best quotes I have read and heard!

There’s a song out now called

“Got to Have a J-O-B
If You Wanna Be With Me.”

And the lyrics go,
“Ain’t nothing going on but the rent.”

Like if you went up and said:

“Hey, baby, what’s going on?”
“The rent, motherfucker.”

“You have a job?” “Well, I…”
“Then get the fuck out my face.”

(more…)

It’s here! I have managed to find the transcript from the Eddie Murphy stand-ups Delirious and Raw! Enjoy those memorable quotes….

“I wish I was a slave; I would fuck somebody up!”

“Shit..tell me to bale some motherfucking cotton.”

“I would have been on the street and shit..

“He would came up and say ey
yo nigga bale this cotton?”

“I’d say suck my dick master.”

“Suck my motherfucking dick.”

“That’s right I ain’t baling a motherfucker.”

(more…)

I love reading Facebook status messages. Status messages and drunk photos of fat bitches thinking that they are sexy are the only things that keeps me on there for entertainment purposes only… Seeing emo messages such as:

Well the answer to that question is not that there aren’t any - but you being a dumb bitch and choosing the wrong ones. Until your little shallow brain realises that you deserve better and get some self respect you will carry on attracting assholes who treat you like shit and use you. Dumb whore…

(more…)

First the image came:

Xerxes Rolling

This made my day. Laughed so hard I had to go for a shit!

“Ayo nigga bale this cotton.”
“Suck my dick master!!”

A new version was released a while back (couple of months lol) and I wasn’t aware, so here it is.

You’ll have to click the link below to view the whole post as it is a MASSIVE FAQ! Have fun!

(more…)

After not playing CS:S for over a year I decided to re-install it as I felt the urge to get some headshots!

Obviously I don’t have a top of the range graphics card so I have to use what I have. Which in this case calls in for some improvisation in the form of tweaking the graphics of the game and other options to get a better performance and a higher FPS.

The changes are not even noticeable - no need to worry

Anyhow, copy the below code, open Notepad save it as autoexec.cfg and put it in your C:\Program Files\Steam\steamapps\YOURUSERNAME\counter-strike source\cstrike\cfg

Oh yeah you might also want to read Optimize Counter-Strike: Source at the bottom there, more tips. Good luck!

(more…)

Bah… I got people bitching to me that I haven’t updated my blog for well nearly six months. What can I say… I have been busy. Now that winter is approaching moi will be indoors most of the time which of course next to programming in Java (which is a rant in its own right) SQL, ASP and doing shitty reports I might have some time squeezing in a rant or two. Or maybe not!

I have to say a lot of the same reoccurring shit has been pissing me off lately…