nokitel.co.uk - BITCHFEST

 
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According to a British daily newspaper the Daily Mail  is saying that police officers are having difficulties in fighting crime… Well fuck me, I think it is time to call on Capitan Obvious here. Let’s look at the problem a little closer shall we?

• Police raid house of a 12 year old kid and arrest him because he was in a scuffle at school.
• Police arrest innocent people who defend their own home when fuckwit burglars strike because the burglar COMPLAINED that he/she was injured!
• Police officers spend too much doing shitty not-so-important paper work that keeps them inside rather than outside. GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE and gain trust from the public!
• Police officers’ son throws football into neighbours garden for the gazillionth time. Neighbour keeps football until kid apologizes. Officer dad calls officer friends to go around neighbours house and arrest him for theft. Nice one going there officer SHITFACE
• TWO police vans and another car (in total 6 officers) are required for a fight in a nightclub between two faggots. Shit, 6 police officers WTF is this a shootout? Machetes were pulled out? People became butchers or something? WAY OTT!

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Hi5… I don’t even know why I am bothering to write about this, it is bad enough I get shitty requests installing various lame applications on Facebook such as “What Condom Are You?”, “You have a Your Sex IQ? invitation” and other brain cell killing applications. Just FUCK OFF!

What pisses me off with these dumbass applications is that when you load up that girl that you are always gizzing when you see her and you want to check out those photos of her posing drunk last weekend hugging a toilet, you have to wait half an hour for her profile page to load up because the dumb slut has so many applications installed it slows down your browser to a crawl, slower than a fucking snail going uphill on prozac! And you are trying to close that window, swearing and cursing wishing it would hurry the fuck up…

As if you wanted in the first place to see how many hugs she has received or what flavour condom she is. WHO GIVES A FUCK?! Fuck - it just pisses me off that majority (99.9%)of people on Facebook have the IQ of hamster…

Back to Hi5, well what can I say about this. Facebook and MySpace are for Americans, UK and other more upmarket countries with less slutty users and Hi5, Bebo and other half as good social websites are practically bride.ru. You go there see which chick tickles your tastes and you say three intelligent words to her and BAM - she’s yours.

I just got a link to a profile page of a chick on Hi5. Well what can you expect. Is like a market on there, which one can sell herself better and be more explicit but too explicit to get her pictures deleted.

I saw photos…. Fuck it, I’ll share some with you along with a small description of what I think that is happening in the photo:
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As I seem to be receiving these sorts of emails in my inbox every other week, I thought it would be a nice sequel to the previous posts.

Only in Romania you can take photos like these!

AND I AM STILL PROUD FROM WHERE I COME FROM!

Februarie 2007, Romania, Giurgiu.

Si acum ca a intrat si Romanul in Uniunea Europeana, niste poze la schimbarile care se fac prin tara:

Subject: FW: …..Sunt mandru ca sunt roman!

• Io zic numa’ ca noi, romanii, nu f*** copii ca preotii catolici.
• Noi nu am ars evrei decat obligati.
• Nu am colonizat popoare primitive ca sa-i belim in numele Crucificatului.
• Genocidul nu ne place! Si nici razboiul, desi Mackensen si Sinan (ca sa nu mai zic de Baiazid!) cred cu tarie contrariul, dupa ce le-am tabacit posterioru’ - e drept, nu eu inca, ci bunu’ meu si bunu’ lui.
• Noi si gandacii de bucatarie vom fi ultimele supravietuitoare ale unui cataclism atomic.
• Noi avem cele mai frumoase fete din tropic.
• Carnatzul de aici face orice Leber sa para buburuze de strutz.
• Poate nu ne oprim tot timpul sa ajutam un strain care se uita dezorientat pe harta in miezu’ Clujului, da’ suntem gata sa ii oferim un pat cald si o bere rece la nevoie (parol, io fac asta fest!) Asijderea daca are Golf-ul in pana, si nu ne trebuie banii lui.
• Suntem chiar in stare sa ii intrebam “La voi in tzara cum e?”, si asta zice mult.
• Aici in tzara masculii nu creapa de politete, si tocma’ de-asta pun pariu ca avem cu 200 milioane de spermatozoizi pe cap de p*** mai mult decat are oricine de la granitza maghiara pana pe plajele Albionului.
• Nu ne altoim femeile decat daca ele cred cu tarie ca daca nu le batem nu le iubim.
• Si ne plac manelele pentru ca inca ne refacem dupa Enescu - hey, da’ macar nu ascultam Eins, zwei, Polizei!
• Pentru ca era cat p-aci sa numim noi imperator in Imperiul Roman, da’ Burebista o zis ca mai bine moare decat sa se amestece in politica interna a altora. Si-o si murit!
• Imi place despre romani pentru ca Vlad Tepes o fost roman.
• Pentru ca avem cea mai buna telemea din lume.
• Pentru ca aici numai esecurile genetice iau tzapa.
• Chiar si numai pentru ca nu suntem rusi.
• Pentru ca daca mai traia Ceausescu…
• Pentru ca avem tigani si ii toleram mai bine decat tolereaza nemtii turcii.
• Pentru ca nu pornim razboaie pentru titei.
• Pentru ca nu avem nevoie de bomba atomica.
• Pentru ca am un prieten care are un prieten care stie pe cineva.
• Pentru ca nu am facut pogromuri. Nu prea multe.
• Pentru ca avem cei mai multi certificati Brainbench din lume, si pt ca cel mai bun certificat Brainbench e un american pe care-l kiama Vasilescu. Sau Georgescu.
• Pentru ca anul trecut sau acum doi ani am castigat Olimpiadele Internationale de Limba Franceza.
• Pentru ca Borsec a fost decretata cea mai buna apa minerala din lume.
• Pentru ca petrolul romanesc e de calitate mai buna decat ala arabesc sau rusesc.
• Pentru ca suntem crestini.
• Pentru ca patrunjelul are gust de patrunjel, nu de punga.
• Pentru ca bunica-mea framanta painea cu fatza la icoana.
• Pentru ca facem semnul crucii pe paine cand taiem prima felie.
• Pentru ca spunem “Doamne-ajuta!” in loc de “Prost” (!) Pentru ca “inchinam” cand bem.
• Pentru ca un taran din Rasinari m-o lasat sa-i incalec calu’, desi eram costumat in tigan.
• Pentru ca alor nostri copii nu le e frica de straini.
• Pentru ca ma ia lumea la ocazie, de la fandositi in Rover la soferi de tir, si unii chiar fara sa-mi ia bani.
• Pentru ca spunem “Pofta buna!” si “Sa-ti fie de bine!” (na, traduceti voi asta din urma in ce limba vreti!)
• Pentru ca stiu ca daca raman in pana in Suceava nu trebuie sa-mi anunt cu doua zile inainte prietenii ca am nevoie de cazare peste noapte - la noi, vizitele inopinate sunt surprize placute.
• Pentru ca la munte se da binetze.
• Pentru ca daca vecinul meu are casa mai mare ca a mea, mi-o reconstruiesc din temelii.
• Pentru ca am ajuns inaintea nemtilor la Stalingrad.
• Pentru ca abia reusiram si noi sa avem o batalie intre suporteri si jandari, nu ca civilizatii aia de engleji!
• Pentru ca avem bunul simt sa ne furam mai mult intre noi, si mai putin pe altii.
• Pentru ca daca toti romanii vin inapoi, Spania si Italia intra in recesiune necontrolata.
• Pentru ca facem bancuri care tin de foame.
• Pentru ca fosta Germania de Est arata mai urat ca Sibiul.
• Pentru ca spaniolii isi omoara nevestele ca disperatii - noi le iubim mult inainte.
• Pentru ca la noi divortul dureaza 2 minute.
• Pentru ca daca trebuie muncim si mult, si bine. Mai ales daca e pentru noi.
• Pentru ca mama-sa lu Utzu o cumparat 30 de borduri cu un milion de lei de la drumari.
• Pentru ca am invatzat si noi ca se pot jecmani asigurarile.
• Pentru ca si in Bratislava sunt blocuri, da’ ale noastre is mult mai urate.
• Pentru ca avem Muzeul Satului. Pentru ca la noi in tzara se putea cumpara o ordonantza guvernamentala.
• Pentru ca ortografia e a naibii de grea! Pentru ca am avut o flota de 200 de nave.
• Pentru ca filmele istorice romanesti au avut scenarii extraordinare, multumim, Eugen Barbu!
• Pentru ca stim sa ne bucuram de viatza.
• Pentru ca nu am trait in viatza mea doua zile la fel.

Just by coincidence I came across the original soundtrack (OST) of the Borat movie only to find….

…What it looked like two Romanian songs! One is Stefan de la Barbulesti - Eu vin acasa cu drag and the other O.M.F.O. - Magic Mamaliga.

Though it is important to note that the first song Stefan de la Barbulesti - Eu vin acasa cu drag which is the actual theme song of the movie, is sang by a gypsy, so though not really Romanian, but still, close to.

(In Romania gypsy music is very popular, probably tops pop-music, but it is very popular)

The clip below are the first four minutes of the Borat movie:

Though as much as “Borat” or also known as Sacha Baron Cohe, who is best know for being the “Ali G” character is trying to make people belive that he is recording in actual Kazakhstan, though the truth is far from that (or at least from what I could see in those first four minutes). The true location of the recording lies somewhat 2127 miles west from Kazakhstan to somewhere in Romania.

Since when do the people that live in a remote village in Kazakhstan speak Romanian? And to me that village looks like a gypsy village… Yet again the gypsies strike again in giving Romanians a bad reputation, image and God knows what else. Disappointing to say the least.

But hey, I am still proud of where I come from, who I am and all that. So, who gives a shit what you think?

And let’s not forget that for centuries Romania has fought with the Ottoman Empire (the Turks) who tried continuously to invade Europe. It is a shame that Romania has been at the front, getting fucked for centuries, whereas other countries freely and withoutany worries explored and colonized other countries. It would’ve been nice for Romania to concentrate on trading and develop itself as a country rather than having to fight with countless armies (and always being outnumbered).

But hey, not even a thank you from the rest of the European for protecting their asses against an unstoppableOttoman Empire. I guess people didn’t give a shit if they were Arabs and having to pray 5 times a day? But because the way Romanians are, and we never give up, we always fight back and we won’t take second place - and even if we do get second place, we’ll figure out a way to win back - we kept Europe the way it is and now when we are up to a good economical level like the majority of Europe the big countries such as the UK are finding ways of not letting us in because we’ll bring their economy down.

I say fuck the UK and fuck the European Union. After protecting your asses from Turks your bitching about us joining in the EU? Heh… I personally would say to shove that European Union thing up their asses.

The UK are just scared that now Romania and Bulgaria have joined the EU, Romanians will come in the UK and "steal" and "bring down" the economy. But the real truth is that Romanians work harder andif they have to for less pay than any of the English citizens, so that’s why they are all bitching and coming up with all sorts of shit to stop us from comingto your country to make a decent living.

The only reason why the UK has such a high economy is because they didn’t have to fight anyone for centuries. All that happened to the UK was that the Romans came over, they civilized everyone and showed them how to live a better life, then the Vikings came over, those uncivilized barbarians, and then the actual UK that it is now, is of people half Roman half Vikings (half civilized and half barbarians). And that’s it! People had time to build an economy and trade with other countries etc. That’s why you have at one end the Queen and at the other "Jack" who’s 16 hours (out of 24) in the pub drinking away the money he receives from Social Services, that ME, the Romanian who LEGALLY works hard and pays all my taxes, pays for all his monthly benefits and house that the Government provides.

No wonder the majority of the UK are a bunch of lazy slags who have nothing better to do than just sleep around, drink, swear and live off the money that other people pay in taxes. Kudos to you UK!

/RANT OVER