nokitel.co.uk - BITCHFEST

I was watching TV the other night and I was amazed at the amount of crap that is on nowadays. There were two adverts though that caught my eye. I couldn’t believe how stupid they are. I could only just slit my wrists and burn, rather than watch these adverts. For example last night I went to watch this movie (Rules of Engagement) which was meant to start at 21:00, that at 21:05 they were still showing adverts. Taking the piss right? I am there waiting for the movie to start, knowing that it will be finished by midnight and I’ll be tired as fuck and they’re showing adverts. Good one assholes.

So now back to the original rant, there were two adverts shown, one was about some cleaning product which apparently cleans the kitchen from dirt, dog shit, and even engine oil. Unbelievable, I nearly got up at 23:00PM to go and buy the product because there was some rat shit in the kitchen. So anyway, the advert is about these two kids going in the house with their hands dirty full of oil from fisting their asses too much, so they had to come in the house for a drink, to relax a bit as fisting your mates ass is a hard business (?!). lol So here they come in the WHITE kitchen to get themselves a drink. Believe it or not the whole kitchen is white! What a good way to exaggerate and make everything all dramatic. Like some retard out there is going to watch the advert and go “Oh no, the poor mum, is going to have to clean all that and is going to take her ages”, and then they’d think that by getting “Cif” it will make it all better”. Carrying on with the rant; so the mum of one of the kids comes in and there’s “shock” on her face. What else could there be? A big moustache? A mole? So then she gets the kids to clean the whole kitchen for her. And that’s how it ends.

Let’s analyse it a bit though. First of all, what the fuck is going with the kids? They came in the house with their hands dirty looking like they have been taking a tank’s engine apart and put it back 3 times. The first thing they should of done was to wash their hands, that would only get the sink tap dirty, so they would just simply have to clean that, which would take 10 seconds. Then how the fuck could the thought of going into a white kitchen with oil on them was “cool” or “ok”. They must be about as clever as a hamster. But even that is insulting the hamster. I just still can’t get over the fact that the dumbasses just walked into a white kitchen, full of oil and started fucking making a mess and touching everything. The dumb fucks, couldn’t even figure out to wash their hands as they would make a big mess. And furthermore that advert just says to other retards “Is ok to make a mess. You go and get covered in shit, then come into your house and start touching everything and all your mum will do is look at you and make you clean it”. Good advert fuck-heads. Getting people to think that is OK to make a mess around the house is just idiotic. I don’t understand what kind of logic that is.
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Then in another advert, advertising the same product just a different scenario is a guy washing his dirty dog in a white bathroom. Well first of all you can tell that the guy is more stupid than the dog as he is washing a dirty dog in a WHITE bathroom. The imbecile. What he could of done was take the dog in the garden, then take the hose out and wash the dog in the garden. Then he won’t have to do the extra work in cleaning the dog and the bathroom. The idiot. Where the fuck do they get these ideas from? Even I come up with better ideas than those retards. Unbelievable….

In the second advert, as the two adverts discussed above are advertising the same product, so therefore it only counts as one product. Anyway, here comes my favourite advert. Is not really my favourite, is my favourite stupid advert. It kind of makes people humiliate themselves in public – that’s why I like it so much. I can’t wait for some dumbass in my class at college to use that, and damn I’ll be ripping the piss out of them for months, until I’ll get bored! So here I begin, the second part:

Yep, that’s right. A mini condom! This is the new fresh way to fingering your ass while in public. Simply open a packet, slip the condom on your finger (whichever one you want, the middle finger if you want “deeper cleaning”) and simply pop it up were the sun never shines and you will feel fresh and ready to do whatever you are going to do feeling fresh. rant, opinion, truth, debate, common sense

Now seriously, what you do is from what I have seen on the TV advert is that you put it on your finger and you wipe your teeth with it. Now nothing is wrong with keeping your teeth clean, but certainly I wouldn’t want to be seen wiping my teeth or even putting in my mouth a condom-look-alike. lol. Just imagine how embarrassing that would be. And knowing retards these days, they would probably use actual condoms because “it tastes like banana”, no shit it does as you have just wiped all over your teeth banana flavoured vaseline. Dumbasses. I just could not believe that someone actually came up with a product like this for people to use. Who in the right mind will use this? As you can probably tell it isn’t going to be me. I am not going to be one of the retards to be caught with a condom in my mouth just after I ate my lunch in a busy restaurant.

It just clicked, you know who this is aimed at? At whores, yeh, that’s right, those sluts that stay at your street corner wearing their belt skirts revealing a saggy vagina hanging about which needs to be stapled back to even look like a normal vagina. Those will benefit from this new product to get rid of all of the gizz (sperm) between their teeth from all of those dicks they’ve been sucking 24/7. Even guys can benefit from this product when they go and chat up girls. They can quickly wipe their teeth with a flavoured condom and go and talk to some girl. My version of the products guide is something like this:

That is one possibility were it can come in useful. It could make the difference between you not getting with someone or not getting with someone. Pretty good eh? I just can’t wait to see people use this shit, I’ll be shouting “Is that a condom in your mouth?!” w000t lol

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Tags: advertisement, common sense, debate, opinion, piss-take, Rant, truth, tv

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This entry was posted on Sunday, May 22nd, 2005 at 10:29 pm by ePlus and is filed under Rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.